“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion,” claims Scott Adams. (He’s a cartoonist) I also think this is how we redesign our future. What do I really want out of this life? Most of the time I just want to avoid the question, keep up the fast pace, and hope I somehow stumble upon my deepest desires. I rarely give myself permission to think about the days I have left in this world and what I really want to do with them. I’m not sure I know anyone fully, let alone the particulars of my mind, and what my true purpose might be. My life is like a developing news story. I rely on years of conditioning when responding to outside stimuli, which means my past is deciding my future, and that cannot be a good thing. Maybe a clean laundry room, dust free house, and fully stocked refrigerator are not the pinnacles of this life. I think that is what I’m supposed to maintain but maybe some interior maintenance might be a better use of my time.
I sit here looking back on last week, last year, last decade, wondering why I didn’t do things differently? I remember when I had a gaggle of small kids and not a lot of help (Kim Zambataro ran carpools with me and I really should write her into my will). I realize now that I should have napped with the kids instead of drinking six cups of coffee or enjoyed a bowl of Frosted Flakes for dinner when I was too tired to cook. Where did all these standards come from? Why didn’t I just bake a birthday cake instead of crafting elaborate party favors, serving trendy foods, and spending my grocery money on sensational entertainment? Who the hell cares if I had fun parties or a clean house? I’m sure the kids would have enjoyed a well-rested mother above all things. I think it’s time to revision my future instead of commiserating about the atrocities of the past.
So what do I really want? I want to stop feeling guilty about meditating, tummy fat, writing for three hours, eating out, reading until 2:00 am, putzing with my granddaughter, sipping wine, sleeping in, expensive wrinkle cream, dust, long drives, and watering my garden. I want to wake up refreshed, bubbling with enthusiasm, excited to greet the new day. Jonathan Ive said, “A small change at the beginning of the design process defines an entirely different product at the end.” So what am I going to do? I am going to establish a guilt free zone that encompasses my past, present, and future. Who makes me feel guilty? Shit, it’s me, right? So I’m going to pretend like I just walked out of the confessional, I am absolved of all guilt, and I’m going to let this freedom reign.
So I lasted about three minutes, made a grocery list, and headed out to the store, but threw an expensive eye cream into my cart. Start with the small stuff…
So I lasted about three minutes, made a grocery list, and headed out to the store, but threw an expensive eye cream into my cart. Start with the small stuff…
Living in the Gap 