I have a civil war going on with my ego and sadly I’m losing. Have you ever felt this way? I think we need to rethink the whole stagnant pond thing, because right now placid and calm is appealing, even with the algae. Life would be so much simpler if I allowed my higher self (a.k.a God) to run the show. I’ve abdicated control for far too long, when I finally said “no” to my ego, she threw a complete tantrum, wailing and stomping her uprooted feet like a two year old.
She is especially annoying at 3:00 a.m. when I’m trying to sleep or during meditation when I shift my focus to a loftier location. Like I said, I feel like I’m losing the battle as I struggle to stay focused on the reality of a situation, and not some narcissistic picture my ego drew with a crayon. Who cares what people think? Am I so weak that I can’t stand up to a little pettiness or jealousy?
The truth is people already know who I am because on a much deeper level we are all connected by love. It might be the only indisputable amalgamation known to man (this is inclusive of women). Truth doesn’t need the CIA to investigate the facts because the truth is clear to everyone. The only people who can’t see this deeper connection are the people who allow their egos to run the show, me included.
If I get it right half the time then I’m making progress. Do I fear full exposure, you bet I do, but the truth is you already know, it’s wedged to the left of the rib cage. There is no use in hiding, God will find you, and wrap you in chaos until you are strong enough to find your way. Thank God for friends who have already won the battle, the beacons I depend on in the dark night, guiding my battleship safely to shore? Oh, my dear friends, I thank you.
If you enjoyed this posting you might also enjoy: Go Slow over the Rough Spots. I’m Living in the Gap, drop in anytime.