I glance at my watch noting the time of day. She sleeps, but only for a while, then I’ll be back on my feet, forced to live in the indelible moment. It is challenging to babysit a child after menopause, even the daughter of my daughter, because I have become so greedy with my time. I am just around the corner from years of mothering my own children but this time I know better than to lose sight of myself. As a young mother I let my dreams slip away until I was unable to distinguish their needs from my own. I did not recognize my deep longing for quiet space, I was hounded by empty hands, hands that I thought could never be filled.
I was entrenched, or in the trenches so to speak, with a pose of children, all kicking and screaming for attention. They needed someone to be present to their budding sense of self, a witness to say I see you, and what I see is invaluable.
This is where that spring of well-being begins. The deep water our children will draw from for the rest of their lives. (Jesus called it the living water) I think our most important job as a parent is to act as witness for our children. They obviously need our love, protection, and support but they thrive when they know they are valued. We might be the defining presence during their youth, but they will discover many guardians along the way, friends who will call them back to their dreams, lovers who will guard their heart, and enemies who will call them to the work of forgiveness.
I eventually found my way back to me, but I was altered by the journey, and now I consider that time an insoluble blessing. As a grandparent, you get to kick back, and watch your kid nurture the new spring. I see my other children standing guard over this child, responding to this gift of immeasurable worth, and adding to her pool of living water.
Life is such a divine mystery or comedy depending on your view. I hear my granddaughter beginning to stir as she emerges from a gentle sleep. I jab at the keys, trying to cast these final words on the page, searching for a stream of wisdom in the mundane. It is time to come out of my head and back into life. I think I’ll just leave my watch on the table.
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If you enjoyed this posting you might also enjoy: How Have my Children Changed Me
If you enjoyed this posting you might also enjoy: How Have my Children Changed Me
Living in the Gap 
I have to agree about being greedy with time. Now that for most of the year and John and I have an empty nest, I am finding my way in new territory. I am liking the person that I am finding and I don't like all my time structured. I want this chance to savor life and all that it brings.
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We collaborated for so many years in an effort to teach transformational catechism, now we mirror each other in our journey through grand parenting, and the blessings of hard earned freedom! So glad to have an understanding witness to this stage of life, Blessings to you my dear friend…
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Another thought provoking piece!!! ❤
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Thank you Tina, you are such a great mom, you are going to rock the grandma thing! xoxo
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