I’m knock, knock, knocking on heaven’s door. The view of the lake makes me want to be a better person, the weather softens my rigid interior, and the birds bring my thoughts to loftier places. How can I leave? Who will I be when I return? It is clear to me that the environment, the actual physical space I occupy, has an immense effect on me as a person. I want to know why the mental adjustment is only temporary and not a permanent conversion. Aren’t there smart people who study this kind of phenomenon? I revert to my old self with every mile I travel away from the lake, back to the suburbs, and the obligations of home. Don’t get me wrong, my home is lovely, but I feel so much more confined in that space. I think we would alter our decision about where we make our home if we really understood the connection between the self and the spaces we inhabit. I know some people are on to this, and they live according to their nature, but this is a fresh insight to me. I’ve built my life around the people I love, but as I’m getting older so are my children, and the gap between us only widens. As the physicality changes between me and my loved ones, so does the space between me and myself, and I move closer to my core. I think the world would be so different if we all lived in holy places. What inspires one is different for another, some people like the mountains, others find it along the riverbank, I know I love the energy of the coast, but the lake has always been my muse.
An open expanse of water draws me like a bird to feeder. As I’m writing this post a humming bird appears to float just beyond the open door, it actually lands on a branch not five feet from where I sit, and I watch it rest its wings. A hummingbird is so small when it is at rest. My hands stall on the keys and my eyes lock on this mysterious creature. I’ve heard that when you see a hummingbird you are really being visited by an angel. The symbolism is not lost on me, heaven’s door has opened, and I’m left whispering, “I miss you more than you will ever know.”
[UPDATE: After hitting the publish key for this posting, I jumped in the car, and headed back to San Jose with Kenzie. Upon arriving home I glanced at the posting just to see if it still made sense and immediately noticed spell check (blogs have this lovely feature too) corrected the word phenomenon to pheromones – a secretion from our sweat glands that increases sexual interest and excitement. Haha…love spell check.]
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