Sometimes I Wake up and I’m not Happy

In respect to my entire life, I’m on the outer edge of two-thirds, so if the plumbing holds out I could live another 25 years. This gives me a rather crusty perspective on life. I’m acquainted with failure, familiar with adversity, BFF with agility, andripe with age. When I stack that all up I get is a nose bleed. I know what I focus on becomes my reality so I try to stay focused on the good stuff. I was on a walk with my friend Jan yesterday and she said, “But sometimes I wake up and I’m just not happy.” I had to write that in my little note book because something about that statement rang true to me. I consider myself a positive person, but I notice when I’m dealing with a difficult issue,  I can wake up in a heated conversation with myself.  At some point I realize no one is listening, but the conversation seems so real, it’s kind of disturbing. I have to reprimand that part of my brain, or I will keep going and going, like the energizer bunny. Most of the time I am thankful that no one can actually hear my thoughts, but every now and then, Larry will respond as if he is actually listening. I freak out, no, that’s not possible, it’s just a coincidence, I must be going crazy. That last part might be true, but most likely, we’re just running similar conversations in our heads. I know he comes from a very different perspective, and yes he might be wrong, but I love that he keeps trying.

Like the other day, I was thinking about our broken dryer, it’s been fixed about five times, if it was a person it could vote and buy cigarettes.  I was considering the new models I might want to buy in my head, when Larry said, “maybe we’ll replace the washer and dryer next Mother’s Day.” See what I mean, he’s about as wide of the mark as you can get, and I’m forced to reorder our entire relationship. I give him the look I learned from my mother, and he says, “What, isn’t that what you want?” I thought it best not to respond. 

More recently, I’ve been entangled in a rather frustrating issue, one that causes me “to wake up unhappy.”  I decided I would just write out my thoughts on our drive up to Lake Tahoe. I was pounding away on my iPhone for about an hour when Larry says, “What are you doing?” I tell him, “I’m processing my thoughts.” He seems to accept this. He’s quiet for another hour, but when he reaches his limit, he says, “You are not sending that to anyone.” I say, “I’m sending it to you.” He says, “I’m deleting it.” I say, “That’s a good idea.” See how copacetic we’ve become? He’s reading my thoughts with an unsettling accuracy and making the appropriate adjustments.  So just tonight, when I was considering dinner options, he said, “Maybe we’ll grill some fish tonight.” See what I mean? In my mind we are so going out, right? I didn’t even have to give him the look when he said, “Or we can go out if you prefer?” He’s learning that sometimes I wake up unhappy, and I would prefer to go out, than stay in with my thoughts.  I might have to call my friend Jan and tell her what I’ve learned. God bless good husbands.



Do you ever wake unhappy? How do you deal? Leave your advice in the comments.

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