Karma’s a Bitch

Today I’m writing with a headache. The pain is isolated in the frontal lobe, so I can sort of ignore it, especially if I focus on something else. By the way, it sucks being allergic to aspirin, what else can numb pain? (If someone writes ‘exercise’ in the comments I will delete it) I’m sitting here in a bit of a panic. My daughter used my toothbrush last night, without permission, and then I get this text at three in the morning, “I have the flu.” I got up and gargled with Listerine but who knows if it really kills bacteria? Talk about living with uncertainty, I also emptied the little garbage can next to the toilet, just in case. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, trying to decide if I am nauseous, or an insomniac. The dog thinks it is morning and starts kicking his food bowl around the kitchen. My next pet will definitely be a fish. I try praying the rosary, but end up playing solitaire on my iPhone, while listening to a podcast about a guy suspected of murder. This is not helping.

So let’s just move on and appreciate the fact that someone invented Imodium. I’ve come to the conclusion that life is troubling, not on purpose, but by design. I’m not sure God thought this whole thing through, she put seven billion people on a round surface, made them male and female (have you read Genesis?), and gave them free will. What could possibly go wrong? If you have the slightest imagination, you can probably foresee a few problems. Then she threw in the laws of nature, which are more disciplined than my mother. Except for gravity, which holds shit down, unless you have the flu (I apologize for my unruly thoughts, it’s early, and I’m sleep deprived). Which got me thinking about karma, the idea that what goes around, comes around. 

I want to invest in this concept, but I have four children, and teach high school. Enough said. I was either a saint or a heathen in my last life. Do you ever feel like you are the only normal person on the planet? I certainly do. There might be a few exceptions, but they are all female, and blond. I have it from a good source, blond jokes are bad karma, and hell is full of comedians. Does God have a sense of humor? You bet she does, but every three weeks, you might want to hide. 

If we assume there are consequences to our actions, then our decisions are important, because they impact others. Remember the laws of nature are designed to respond uniformly in all circumstances. Germs do not care about my faith, my deeds, or the color of my hair. It was generous of me to lend my toothbrush and the fall out (literally) is to be expected. I’m sure my daughter will reciprocate by bringing me a new toothbrush, cleaning my bathrooms, and emptying all the garbage cans. Now that’s what I call good karma.

I’m feeling a little queasy, so I rush to conclude. “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say,” brilliantly penned by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Do what you love, do not stop for the flu, live as authentically as possible, be honest, be kind, especially to yourself, and act as if there is no tomorrow. No one gives a crap anyway, unless you’re a politician, and who can Trump that? I end with Debbie Millman, “If you imagine less, less will be what you undoubtedly deserve.” I’m imagining a little less karma right now.

Headache remedies? Leave a note in the comments.

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