This is not one of my proudest moments, but I’m willing to humble myself, and share the whole sordid tale for the sake of entertainment. You’re welcome.

I’m thinking we could use a break from all the seriousness that surrounds us.

The day began with the predictability of a pandemic, you know what I mean, life is a little wonky these days, and honey you can take that to the bank.

It was after a typical night, I went to bed early, fell asleep, and woke up at three in the morning, tried to solve the problems of the world, and decided that’s not my forte.

I finally made the dreaded trip to the restroom without tripping over the dog, used my rosary as a sleep aid, total fail, and silently celebrated when the alarm went off at the crack of dawn.

Anyone with me?

Looney gets up at O dark hundred so he can do his boot camp in the driveway. I’m sure the neighbors appreciate waking up to a sweaty Italian who makes us all feel bad about our collective weight gain before morning coffee. While the sun is still sleeping it seems wrong to be exposed to burpies? Right?

I flop back against my pillows and check my blog stats, dismal, clearly no one is reading blogs at 5:30 am, except for a couple of hits from Australia, because you can always count on the O’Connor’s.

Not to brag but my new sleepwear is absolutely adorable. I’m not kidding. The fabric is ultra soft with an attractive pattern in turquoise, pink, and canary yellow, the pants are capris length, with a button down top. You’ll have to trust me, these pj’s are the cat’s meow.

Glancing at the clock I calculate the minutes before Looney brings me a cup of coffee, he’ll be out there planking for another fifteen minutes, so I switch to my solitaire app, and knock off a few games. I’m currently at level 91, which has absolutely no meaning, it just flashes when you move up, but doesn’t mention a word about the competition? I fantasize for a minute that NASA wants to contact me because of my solitaire acumen? Okay, it’s not likely, but do you ever get the feeling our devices are being monitored?

When Looney brings my coffee, he flips on the news, and the first thing we hear is the president has tested positive for Corona virus, also a chunk of Yellowstone the size of Chicago has been pulsing, and astoundingly these two seemingly obscure events have something in common. A cluster of bacteria thriving in the thermal pools of Yellowstone has made COVID-19 tests widely available in the US, hum, but I digress.

Maybe it’s time to get serious about my day?

I decide on four achievable goals:

• Write a blog and post today because I’m already a day late. Nothing is happening as you can see, and I’m struggling for material, my issue not yours. Bucchianeri argues predictability often leads to the dullest work, in my opinion, the opposite is true.
• Grade and give feedback on two assignments for my GSGC students.
• Finish Unit One lesson plans, google assignments, and summative project that I have been avoiding like the plague (no pun intended) because I suck at figuring out what we can and can not accomplish during a zoom class.
• Finally, if time permits, and the smoke isn’t at critical levels, go for a walk in the neighborhood, but I’m not going to freak out if it doesn’t happen, that’s counterproductive, and self sabotaging. I read that in a Psychology Today article while standing in the queue at the grocery store.

So I write a blog post about my lake tragedy, well not a tragedy per say, but I did confront some nasty demons, and that’s sort of tragic, but ultimately love prevailed, and as cliché as this sounds, here’s the link if you’re interested.

That took two or three hours. I’m fastidious.

Without moving an inch, meaning I’m still in my adorable pajamas, in an unmade bed, sipping cold coffee. I bravely switch to my work computer and pull up google classroom. Millions (that’s an exaggeration) of assignments start populating my computer screen, all alphabetically ordered, waiting for evaluation, feedback, and a grade, which then must be entered in PowerSchool. It’s a lengthy process and takes hours of screen time. This is the real apocalypse, it ends up the new beast is a computer, and unfortunately we have been captured unawares.

Literally in my underwear ~ Bahaha

Maybe I should go to the bathroom first or grab a bite to eat? “Problem is, the bathroom pass can’t help you escape life. It’s still there when you come out. Problems and crap don’t go away hiding in the can,” says Simone Elkeles. Eating sounds like a much more viable option and if I calculate the exercise gained by walking all the way to the kitchen and back, it’s a win win.

If I’m guilty of anything, it’s not bringing new problems into my life, that’s not avoidance. That’s being pragmatic.

Two hours later I close PowerSchool, hit return on all student work, and switched to my PowerPoints. Is it interesting to you that everything that has to do with school starts with the word power? That could be revelatory but I don’t have time to go down that rabbit hole.

After weeding through power lessons for several more hours I feel pretty confident that my students have won the lottery. They are going to be dazzled, if not dazzled intrigued, if not intrigued then the hell with them. I realize this is delusional thinking, leave me alone.

As Bill Watterson notes a day can really slip by when you’re deliberately avoiding what you’re supposed to do. And that would be exercise.

I peek out the window, it’s not a good day for a walk, tomorrow doesn’t look good either. Thank God because that would require a wardrobe change and I prefer comfy (not to be confused with frumpy).

I hear my roommates talking about food choices in the kitchen (they must be done with work?), slipping out of bed, I give the body a little stretch, it’s half-past six (my how time passes), and wonder down the hall to join the dinner debate. I am ridiculed by all, which I chivalrously ignore (I combed my hair for goodness sakes), and cast my vote for homemade lasagna.

“I’ll open some wine,” a girl scout always tries to be helpful.

Our entourage moves out to the patio for apples, cheese, a baguette, and beverages while our personal chef Nic slaves away in the kitchen making us lasagna from scratch. I’m hoping that remodel across the street takes forever.

I hear the front door open and close. Looney’s has returned from the office, I yell, “we’re out back.”

As he opens the side door he says, “we’re going to start calling you Hugh,” I look around for some unnoticed guest. He laughs and says, “you’re still in your pajamas?” It seems obvious so I ignore him. As with most issues in life, it is counterproductive to spend time trying to convince people of things they don’t want to know says Warwick Middleton. My sentiments exactly.

I’m Living in the Gap, chilling, if you have some tips leave them undressed in the comments.

Anecdotes:

• My pajamas were purchased at Costco if you must know.
• Hugh Hefner – The Pajama Man for background information on my new nickname.
• I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time! Bob Newhart