Why Do We Jump In?

“Need is often dressed as love, but it is always self-concerned. Love can be dressed any old way it wants, but it will always be concerned with the good of the other.”  Donna Goddard

The alarm sounds across the room at 6:30 am. The thoughts spinning in my head are not printable.

My first assumption is the house is on fire as the horrific alarm gets louder with each round. If it hadn’t taken Larry soooo long to roll out of bed, walk three paces across the room, and turn off his damn phone, things might have been different.

But alas…

One by one, three smallish bodies wander into our room, half asleep, and crawl into my bed. 

Cora grabs my arm, snuggling against my side while she twirls my hair with her finger. Audrey makes a nest of Larry’s pillows and disappears while Sienna slips quietly into the fray. 

And so it begins…

As the kids are streaming in, Larry moves as quickly as possible toward the garage, his mountain bike, and ultimately his Saturday morning escape.

Before he heads out for his ride, he sticks his head in the door (brave) of our bedroom and asks, “do you want coffee?”

“What I want is my finishing sleep.”

“Oh, did the alarm wake you?”

“Yes, it did, along with these hooligans.” 

“I was too tired last night to set the one by my bed, so I just used my phone.”

“How considerate.”

I hear him smirking as he walks back to the kitchen to pour me a cup of coffee.

We all do it. 

We make decisions based on our needs or the needs of others. Have you ever stopped to think why?

There is a plethora of theories, studies, and research about why we put the needs of others before our own or vice versa. I thought it was an interesting subject, so I did a little research on my own (by that, I mean I googled the topic). And after carefully comparing my own experience with that of the online data, I stumbled on the truth about altruism. 

So, if you want to know the real reason people put others before themselves or if we’re ultimately only serving our own purposes, keep reading. 

The first theory is the “kin selection theory.” It claims we help those genetically related to us because we want the clan to survive. By helping our relatives, we’re increasing the likelihood that our genes will be passed on to future generations.

In three generations, I will most likely be forgotten, but my legacy is not about me. It’s about what I want my children to emulate. I believe that people who have the desire to give back to the world are people who have strong memories of being helped along the way. 

So when Julie and Nic ask if Larry and I can watch the kiddos while they enjoy a night on the town, we jump at the opportunity to overcome our own extinction. The problem with living across the street from each other is we still have to schedule time together. Retirement isn’t as sedentary as I was hoping. I feel as if I’m always getting on or off a bike, and Julies’ family is constantly on the go.

Their event ended up being an 80s party, which is ridiculous because I lived through that era. Nic wore a Hawaiian shirt, and Julie wore a neon dress with my white tennis shoes. They looked adorable. 

I should add I never went to a party dressed like that in my entire life, especially during the 80s, but we did have the fluffy hair thing going on. It was all the rage. I will go out on a politically incorrect limb and say it was hair spray from the 80s that destroyed the Ozone. 

Nevertheless, Larry and I get the grandkids for an entire night, and we’re giddy with joy. They almost always sleep over on date nights because we don’t want to wake up the kids so we can carry them across the street in the middle of the night. And besides, Larry and I fall asleep as soon as the kids go down. 

Sometimes sooner. 

The minute they walk in the door, I perk up and shift into Grammie mode. We’re doing breakfast for dinner tonight. I’m talking crispy bacon, toast dipped in a thick egg mixture, fried in butter, then sprinkled with spoonful after spoonful of powdered sugar. I did peel a few oranges to appease my guilt over serving my grandkids sugar for dinner. It’s a hit. After three rounds of toast, and a slab of bacon, it’s time to dump the sugar-coated kids in the tub.

This is my time to relax. The kids enjoy a bucket of tub toys and mountains of bubbles while Grammie supervises with a glass of wine. Audrey slips out of the tub early to tell me about her new crush. This goes on for the better part of an hour. 

Then it’s reading, a few shows, and lights out. This means they’ll be talking for another hour while Nono and I snore softly in the next room. At least we can close our eyes, knowing we’re assisting in the succession of our clan.


Oprah Winfrey once taped a show in which a life coach discussed the concept of self-care – putting your own needs ahead of anyone else’s – and the audience actually booed. 

Women were upset by the mere suggestion that they should put their needs before those of their children. 

Oprah interrupted and said, “No one was saying you should abandon your children and let them starve. The life coach was suggesting that you nurture yourself so you’ll have more nurturing to give to those who most need you. It’s the airplane oxygen-mask theory: If you don’t put on your mask first, you won’t be able to save anyone else.”

My mom taught me the “reward” system when I was just a young whippersnapper. Well, she didn’t exactly teach me. I observed her as if a hawk growing up, and although the practice has mutated, it’s defined my lifestyle for the last forty years. Every time she completed a task, she rewarded herself with iced tea or coffee and a five-minute rest. 

I supplemented with chocolate kisses. It went something like this, finish a load of laundry, chocolate kiss, clean the bathroom, chocolate kiss, If I brought a pot of minestrone over to my neighbor Bob because Marge was sick, I rewarded myself with a grande mocha from Starbucks. When the children were fed, the homework was done, and they were all tucked in for the night, I watched an entire episode of Magnum P.I. (with one chocolate kiss per kid) You get the idea. Put your mask on first, or you won’t be able to assist others. 

There is another theory I found online. We’ll call it the “reciprocity theory.” This theory suggests that we help others because we hope they’ll return the favor. It’s very human, a cooperative system if you will, and it’s why some people are more likely to help someone they know will be able to help them in the future. 

When I questioned Larry about this idea, he said it’s like the Word Press community, which he refers to with a rather course adage, but what he thinks is an I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine community, couldn’t be farther from the truth. What I discovered was completely unexpected. 

I found deep and abiding friendships with people I have only met online.

So here’s the thing, it is not possible to dive into someone’s life, help them solve a problem, read their blog, and therefore learn about their vulnerabilities and struggles without falling for them. I have more beloved WP friends than the people listed in my phone book. We might promote each other’s work, but we also encourage each other, brainstorm problems, and ease each other’s frustrations, not to mention the joy I get from receiving authentic tea all the way from England because Pete claimed it was better than coffee.

It’s a worthy beverage, but it’s not coffee.

I’ve also experienced numerous acts of generosity from people without the slightest hope for a return of the favor. For example, all those volunteer coaches for Little League, our tireless scout leaders, and people who serve their communities by organizing fundraisers or donating their time and money. We all benefit when we offer our services without the expectation of a return. Makes me think about all the people who have fought and died to keep our beloved country safe.

Personally, I think we all can do a lot just by generously confirming our partners, reducing the stress in our homes, and showing patience and compassion to our families and friends. 

I’ve learned that if someone weighs the costs and benefits of helping others before they decide to act, then they’re not genuine friends or someone I would consider family. They’re looking out for their own interests. That’s fine, but you should be aware of who you’re dealing with because selfishness likes to mingle with greed, and that can be a heady combination. 

And at last, we land on the “empathy-altruism theory,” which suggests we help others because we feel empathy toward them. Empathy being the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. When we see someone in need, we put ourselves in their shoes and actually feel their pain. 

Empathy drives us to help each other regardless of the possibility of return. It is why strangers help each other in emergencies or hold hands during a turbulent flight, donate blood during a crisis, or help each other when a new baby is born. We’ve been there, we know how it feels, and we’re going jump in. 

In my opinion, the best service is dressed in love and involves the future of all families.

I might be a more successful writer if I did not seek to address human truth but spewed out my own limited opinions without caring for what is commonly understood as the sacred purpose of writing. And that is to inspire change. 

Without a degree in the origin of social constructs, this is what I concluded from my dilettante research. If you watch a couple of two-year-olds playing for five minutes, you’ll realize we are born selfish, but if we learn to recognize this in ourselves, we’d have a chance to countermand this tendency with empathy, compassion, and love. I don’t think any other species has ever tried to do this but humans. 

There are many reasons why we help others, but the most important reason is it sets a precedent for future generations, in fact, it might be the difference between surviving and thriving as a species. I think we jump in with both feet, strong arms, soft hearts, full of love, and no expectations. 

I’m Living in the Gap, jumping in, care to join me?

I did a podcast, linked here if you want to listen.

Link to Amazon if you want to order Grow Damn It and don’t forget to write a review!

Or Link to Books Inc. at The Pruneyard.

Also available at Black Rose Writing here.


Leave a Comment

  1. I’m bowled over by your last sentence, ” I think we jump in with both feet, strong arms, soft hearts, full of love, and no expectations. ”

    I loved the whole post but that last sentence drove it from theory to reality for me. And your research (exactly what I’d have done for research too) is really interesting. As is the assumption that WP is a reciprocity type of community which is totally logical – except that as you note, the vulnerability of writing makes us real – and real friends!!

    But the last sentence – that’s not theory, that’s life!! Beautiful, my WP friend!! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve been running around all day prepping for my daughter Kelley’s visit, she comes in tonight, and of course we’re celebrating not only Easter but also Larry, Julie, and the twins birthdays (all with their own dinners). I just marinaded the tri-tip for Larry’s dinner April 1st (yes, he was born on April Fools Day), then I plopped my ass in my writing chair, and was completely surprised by the response to this post! The weird thing about blogging is you never know when you’re going to hit a nerve with the community. This is clearly a topic of interest. I discussed the entire post with my sister before posting because sometimes I have no idea what I’m trying to say. Nancy said, “if you could summarize in one sentience what you learned, what would that sentence look like.” And that my friend is the sentence that bowled you over. Don’t you just love my sister? Thanks for making my day Wynne! Hugs, C

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Clearly July was the busy month for all these birthdays to land in April! So I had to call Nancy so I could read her the sentence, “do you think we should do a podcast with Nancy on the line?” She fainted, out cold. My sister is the complete opposite of me. her greatest fears are throwing a dinner party and public speaking. Thanks Wynne, for the good wishes, hugs, and blessed energy, C

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I give myself rewards all the time, Cheryl. Grocery shopping rewards are always the best. Lol. And isn’t it funny that on WP we end up with these amazing friends? That still blows me away after almost 10 years of this back-scratching. I enjoyed your research and the conclusion that love is at the core of helping. Showing future generations the power of love is the key to saving us all.
    And “Grow Damn It! is getting some love today on my blog. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Diana, I’m so glad I’m not the only one who needs a treat to feel my efforts are valued. One day I was complaining to a friend about how difficult it was to get those last ten pounds off after my last kid was born and she said, “maybe you could reward yourself with something other than chocolate?” I was shocked. I never even considered how those kisses were adding up in terms of calories. But that didn’t stop me, I continued with my chocolate kisses well into my 50’s, now I’m more likely to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee like my mom. I couldn’t agree with you more about the relationships I’ve developed with writers on WP, they’re what keep me going, and by the way you are spinning up such lovely interest in my book today. I believe you exemplify the core idea of serving others selflessly. Thank you my friend, I’m ever so grateful. Hugs, C

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Feel free to reply to any comments on my blog. Sometimes it makes the difference between being interested in a book and buying it. Hehe.

        And my grocery shopping reward is a little jar of herring in cream sauce. My breath smells like fish for the rest of the day, but I don’t care. Lol

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks Diana, I’ll pop over and try to make a difference. Okay, true confession, my shopping reward is sushi with wasabi sauce. There’s something fishy going on here and I like it!

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Brilliant Cheryl and I too reward myself although I did have to switch from chocolate and glass of vino to Magnum P.I and other forms of reward along the way lol. But there are still times when we dive in to the strawberry cheesecake ice cream. I do think that there are a number of elements involved in our various ways of supporting others. One being ‘no man or woman is an island’ and we have needs that others can provide, but also a drive to belong to a clan, tribe, family or group of like-minded people who confirm our reason for doing what we do. Without feedback of all kinds we are reliant on ourselves to keep ourselves motivated and the majority of us are not narcissists who have no need for anyone’s validation of our existence. It is lovely to be the recipient of love, generosity and knowledge that comes our way. ♥♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Sally, I too had to cut back on the chocolate and vino as my primary form of reward but I always have a bag stored in the cupboard ~ just in case. I really like how you illuminate such an important point here, “we have needs that others can provide,” and isn’t it our needs to offer others a chance to help, to join the tribe as you say, to “confirm our reason for doing what we do.” That is so true. I was blown away when I finally sat down today to check on the blog and noticed all the interest in this topic. I think you’re right we love to receive such validation but we also love offering it to each other and in doing so we sort of fall for each other. I feel enormously lucky to have found you online and now consider you my friend. Hugs and love to you, C

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I can understand why Larry thinks as he does, as I feel much the same about Facebook. But he is wrong about WordPress bloggers. I have found such community spirit on here, and genuine, long-lasting friendships.

    Looking after grandchildren is always an exciting prospect, but one that leaves you needing two days to recover from.
    Best wishes, Pete. x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Pete, you were one of my first friends on WP, I’ll never forget your generosity in welcoming me to this community, supporting my work, and my sister I and are still enjoying your tea! Larry has a hard time understanding friendships with people he has never met but I don’t. I truly believe the friendships I have developed on WP are genuine and forever. I do wish I could meet some of you in person, sip some wine, share our stories. That would be amazing but not realistic as we live all over the world. Sending my love your way, hugs, C

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Fraggle, I agree, there are some people in the world that really only look after themselves and it seems such a waste of our gifts and talents. We are designed to live in community, to share our stories, to acknowledge and validate each other. It’s what makes this life so valuable. Love and hugs to you my friend, C

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Brian, I love your comment! Thank you, so glad this one resonated with you. I agree, when Julie and Nic dropped over to hand off the grandkids, I said, “what in the world are you wearing?” She said, “Neon, wasn’t that the rage in the 80s?” I told her it may have been in Hollywood or New York but in the suburbs it was jeans and t-shirts! But they were so excited to have a night out, to be dressed up, and with their friends so I assured them that they nailed the hair. I remember how important it was with young kids to have a night out! Hugs, C

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You are living my dream…. I hope I’m able to live so close to most of my grandkids. Well when we get to that point. What a blessing.
    Exactly self care isn’t selfish!!! We need time to ourselves. Mask up!
    Love this girlfriend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Belladonna! I agree, I couldn’t be happier that my grandkids live so close. I told Larry that if anyone has kids but they live on the other side of the country or in another country, I’m renting a house for at least six months so I can help out, get to know them, and then I’ll just have to spend extended amounts of time where ever the grandkids end up. Thank God you can write anywhere and enjoy a little self-care too. I love this, “mask up!” Sending some love and hugs to you my friend, C

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Cheryl. I loved your post, it ticked so many boxes. And I think you explained the WordPress community perfectly. It’s about bonding with others in our field and giving back wherever we can. Nothing forced. As for your theory on hairspray in the 80s, sadly, I’m inclined to agree with you, lol. I also loved this: ‘if someone weighs the costs and benefits of helping others before they decide to act, then they’re not genuine friends or someone I would consider family’. that is truth. Hugs ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Debby! Thank you, I’m continually amazed by the lovely people I have found on WP and the friendships that have developed from reading, responding, and commiserating with each other over the ups and downs of life. It’s real and like you say unforced and genuine. The line that captured you has resonated with others too. It seems we’ve all experienced a person like that and it never feels good. Much love and hugs to you, C

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I cried for the majority of this post. Both happy and sad tears.
    First, this sentence stuck with me: “I will most likely be forgotten in three generations.” 

    My ex-mother-in-law is currently dying. My childhood best friend passed away last year, and today would have been her birthday. Reading through all of your words today was exactly what I needed.

    I had no relationship with either of these humans prior to their deaths, but I am grieving and helping my oldest daughter in her grief with her grandmother. 

    Even if we don’t expect it back, we owe each other kindness, compassion, and love. YES. 

    Thank you for this lovely post.

    Also, your granddaughter (the one in the middle) resembles you. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh my goodness. I’m sorry to have made you cry any sad tears, that your best friend would have been celebrating a birthday today, and that your ex-mother-in-law is laboring from this life to the next. Heartbreaking. It’s strange how death can make us turn introspective, how sweetly you have considered your daughters grief, and are helping her manage these difficult emotions. Like you, I have encountered people through the years that have rejected my love, or maybe just rejected me as a person, but I always try to be respectful, compassionate and kind. I fail sometimes. I’m human. But I get back on the weary jackass of a mule and keep trying. That’s all we can do. Thank you for your kind words, for finding the marrow in this post, and embracing that message. The middle one is Sienna, she has my heart, thanks for noticing. Hugs and love to you my friend, C

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Elizabeth, you so landed the message, “get the emphasis off ourselves,” and just love the people in our lives. It seems easy, we know it is not, but we keep trying. That’s the point, right, it why we write, to encourage and inspire each other. Sending you some love and hugs, I hope you are doing okay, I know you are grieving and that is never easy, C


      1. Your book gave me so much comfort right when I needed it the most. All your stories of grieving your mom, dad and brother-in-law, just as I was going through the same thing, seemed like more than a coincidence. 💕

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you LA, it was my sister who made me slow down, and actually figure out what I was trying to say. The first draft was all over the place. Thank God we have each other in the WP community to bounce our ideas off, to connect with, and discuss such potent issues. Hugs and love to you my friend, C

      Liked by 1 person

  8. What a great topic Neighbor! I love when your post great stuff like this, which is likely my favorite topic to read and write about.

    Clearly, to those of us ‘of age’ that have been paying attention? We acknowledge the fact that there are two forces at play on this planet: Good (God) and Evil (Devil).

    I found your prose today to remind me of the contrasts of these forces, and how their relationship manifests in various ways: Order vs. chaos, calm vs. stress, love vs. hate, liberty vs. totalitarianism, etc.

    From all of my education as a student of ‘life on planet earth”, and the course work for a minor in world religions while at university, the most important thing of all of it is the subject of your topic today, which in many ways is the point of the battle being waged daily in our souls: Choosing between selflessness and selfishness.

    Pause and reflect on that for a minute. . .

    How we think, how we speak, how we act and how we ‘interact’, are the aspects that basically define each of us.

    How we ‘live’, and ultra-importantly, how we will be defined at death is a direct reflection of our relationship to the meaning and understanding of ‘selflessness and selfishness’ itself, because when boiled down to it’s essence? Our existence will be judged on how we assimilated this uber important struggle that is paramount in helping us define our own existence.

    The Creator of the Universe wishes us to be altruistic to a fault, and, as such has spared no effort in assuring that each of us experiences opportunities throughout our lives to learn the important differences between the two.
    By contrast, Satan (the opposer) is equally focused on dressing up selfishness as something we are absolutely entitled to and should strive towards.

    Learning how to progress from this world to a favorable eternal existence absolutely necessitates we get this one right before departure. Fortunately, in pursuit of that end? Though penned quite some time ago, there is this great book written about it. A best seller actually. I don’t know the ISBN #, but the original title was, “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth”.

    Some editor many, many years ago thought the tile was too long so they have been abbreviating the title for like forever now. But in synopsis, the point of this all time best selling text was and is to educate people about making choices, none more important than the subject of your blog post!

    Cheer’s neighbor, and stay warm.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Clearly I landed on a topic that is close to your heart Chris and one that you have given a lot of thought. I appreciate your take on this, how selfishness and generosity are the root cause of, “Order vs. chaos, calm vs. stress, love vs. hate, liberty vs. totalitarianism, etc.” I never noticed how fine the line between selfishness and selflessness. How loudly we proclaim our character by our acts of selflessness or selfishness. But it’s true. I’m never happy with myself or the outcome of a situation when I act selfishly, only thinking of my needs, and withholding my empathy and compassion. It’s an ongoing struggle as you note. It’s interesting how we are drawn to people who are kind and giving, but it makes sense, that is how we were designed. And that book you mention, Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth, is the source of the blog. Thanks for offering your unique perspective on this topic, much appreciated. Sending hugs and love your way, my love to Terrie, C

      Liked by 1 person

  9. My wife and I have the best next-door neighbors anyone could ask for. We are a generation older and, being retired, helped raise their girl and boy (whom we love like grandchildren) from toddlers to teenagers while both parents worked. Now, 20 years later, we are old, and they help us with many things from lawn mowing to “fix-it” problems, often without being asked. But as close as we are, we live in different worlds mentally (for want of a better word). They are Trump apologists, whereas I can’t stand him. I’ve thought of asking them if they believe Trump is the kind of role model they’d want for their kids, but I won’t ask because they’re good people who simply aren’t critical thinkers.

    Such is life in the big city, as the saying goes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My mama always said, focus on the positive, let the rest go! Neighbors that love you, help without having to be asked, have known you for twenty years are worth more than gold. Politics come and go, I would try and learn more about what they really think about economics, the environment, our current policies – you might find more common ground then you think. Political affiliations can be deceiving. Hold tight to what you have in common, love of family, and neighbor! Hugs, C

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh, C…have I told you how much I love you? This post, like all of yours, always hits a heartstring! Your phrase, “In my opinion, the best service is dressed in love and involves the future of all families,”…says it all! I’ve always felt that helping others and being AWARE make me happier. My morning devotion was all about recognizing others and God’s love for each of us; no matter what. I’ve had SO many nice things done for me and I just can’t help but help others! I understand the reward system of you and your mom. I do those things too (treat myself after a good deed or something hard I accomplished). Kind people are my kind of people! Speaking of kindness, you mentioned Pete. I remember Pete when I began blogging. He was SO KIND to mention my blog and give it recognition. For some reason I’ve been unable to follow him again. About a year and 1/2 ago WP gremlins messed up some of my contacts?! I SEE him and still think of him and his pup and family. This morning I had to give blood. I’m awaiting a call from the dr. Last week’s treatment was canceled AGAIN due to low blood platelets. My back is whacked and I’m on new medicine. C,…what would I do without others? So this morning I went out of my way to care for a girl that drew my blood and walked into a salon to have my hair trimmed (it’s brittle and unruly, lol) and this gal was placed in my path for a huge reason. There were tears when I left! Like you, the relationships I have formed here, just as the ones with you, run deep. Much deeper than what I’ve had in a lifetime career and living situations! With all that said I’ll go back to my point…lol…I’m so glad God gave me an empathetic, sympathetic,altruistic,”I want to treat others the way I wish to be treated” attitude. How can I NOT help others after what they’ve done for me? Your grandkids must be as adorable as their parents! I love you C and miss you. Today I sat down to go through email and there was your name. My heart and soul smiled. Keep staying blessed and smiling. You mean so much to me. 💛❤️💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Karla, thank you for all the sweet love. I’m sending it back your way. You pulled out one of the most important points of the post, helping others, is about love and everyone needs this kind of love as they travel through this life. I really believe that people come into our lives for a reason, maybe God sends them to us just when we need them, but as you say recognizing the divine in each other is vital. So many people have shared that they too enjoy a reward system, it feels good not to be alone in this, and a good reminder to be kind to not only others but ourselves. Pete is an amazing person, his series and stories are fun to follow, here’s a link to his blog: https://beetleypete.com/, if you want to try and follow. I’m so sorry that your treatment was canceled again. I know how defeating that feels but it allows you the get your blood platelets up and maybe rest and restore. I’m holding you gently in prayer my friend, love and hugs to you, C

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re so wise, C. You “get” it. You’re someone I wish I to sit and have coffee and soak in your stories of life. When I’m wrapped in a blanket or get “cozy” to let down from my day, I think of you. My dear friend, Kim, gave me this awesome blanket. And I think of you when I wrap it! It’s so precious. I do wish I was a “regular” reader. I’m on so much medicine, C. It’s crazy. I jacked up my back and have many times in my life due to injuries. Now I have these stupid tumors! There’s good news~~my platelets were up as of Friday afternoon. Enough to have a treatment on April 13th. I can’t get sick!!! Lol. It’s a trade-off. Tough decisions. Treatments are shrinking tumors and we’ll see what the next two do. But my bone marrow (and I have a blood disorder already) has taken irreparable damage. Most days I wake up feeling lousy. I take medicine, ugh, and wonder if I’d rather feel the pain sometimes, vs feeling “drugged”. My family doesn’t want me in pain. I get it. But I’m just not a fan of all this medication and apparently, this cancer has been growing for YEARS and that’s why it’s everywhere. I’m so happy to have my treatment on April 13th! But I KNOW how sick I’m going to be afterwards. They can’t believe I’m 18 weeks out since my last treatment and that’s how hard they are on my body. Oh, C,…I’m so thankful for every hour I have! I’m making my new home as “cozy” as possible! I’m wrapping YOU in love and I accept your gentle hugs and love with such joy. Much love, Karla (and Finley). 🧡☕️🐾

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I hear the silent anguish Karla, I see how you focus on the positives, how you measure time differently, and find pleasure in the most important things like love, family, a soft blanket. Just know, I sit with you quietly, holding your hand, not talking, expending no energy but love. Keep fighting, save that precious energy, we’re all sending up vast amounts of prayer. Love you, C

          Liked by 1 person

  11. An 80’s themed party sounds so fun, I know you said you never dressed like this on the 80’s but honestly that’s all I can think of when I think of the 80’s lol!
    I love what you said about WP and I feel the same way. It’s not really a “you scratch my back…” situation. That’s part of it but I’ve also made actual connections here with actual people who have been so sweet and kind for no reason other than to be nice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s so strange Pooja to know that neon comes to mind when people think of the 80’s! I think my daughter looked adorable but I’m telling you that was not the 80s I lived through. I love my WP friends, you enrich my life in so many ways, and I have the opportunity to learn about you and your life. What a gift. Hugs, C

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I think people often remember eras so wrong. Like people are idolising 2000’s fashion right now but I don’t remember dressing like that in the 2000’s and most people I know didn’t either.
        I feel the same way!

        Liked by 1 person

  12. A wholesome post brimming with great wisdom! I am glad to have met you through the written word here at wordpress. I always look forward to your heartwarming and insightful posts.😊 Your grandkids are blessed to have a cool, grounded grandma! 😊❤️


    1. Thank you Aaysid, I am glad to have connected with you too! You have enriched my life with your writing and the connections we have made in the comments especially when our words resonate with each other! It’s such a gift. Hugs, C

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Ok Cheryl, you clearly “get me”. I find myself constantly “jumping in” and trying to help others because it’s just always my first impulse. I don’t believe I do it because I’m trying to make myself look better or superior or whatever. I truly think I have a sense of wanting to give and support others in whatever way I can. Sometimes it’s exhausting but I never regret it. For me, especially as I age, life to me is about giving and sharing and enjoying all the moments I can get with treasured friends and family. thank you for your blog- so witty, comical and heart warming ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Look at you Michelle, jumping in, and showing up in two posts! I’m ridiculously thrilled that my thoughts have resonated with you and I’ve found a sister helper! You must be a two on the Enneagram scale. It is also my first impulse that I sometimes ignore, especially when exhausted and burnt out. It happens, but like you, I don’t regret being in service of others. It does seem that our lives get simpler and simpler as we age. Our focus narrows on being with and supporting those we love, especially family and dear friends. I appreciate and cherish your kind words. Hugs, C


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